From Vicki Vale to Hilaria: The Downgrade of a Baldwin

So my favorite Baldwin is getting married [again].  I have several questions.  First, is anyone else not entirely convinced that this woman is 28?

Beware O' the Crazy-Eyes

And her name is “Hilaria”? Seriously? Perhaps that is some legitimate and normal Spanish name, and I am just a narrow-minded Anglophile, but I doubt it considering the Wikipedia search I just did seems to indicate that it’s some sort of ancient festival celebrating the vernal equinox.  It sounds to me like a mental condition of hysterics combined with delirium.  In fact, I’m pretty sure I suffer from “hilaria” on a weekly if not daily basis.

Mostly, I want to know how one goes from being married to Kim Basinger:

to being engaged to questionably-aged Crazy-Eyes with a made up name?  Perhaps I’m biased due to Ms. Basinger being from Athens, Georgia and her having purchased a Georgia town on a whim (de facto awesome), but I’m going to have to go ahead and call Alec’s recent engagement a downgrade.  Kim Basinger was Vicki Vale for chrissake!  Marrying her was the closest Alec Baldwin will ever come to being Batman, which I assume is a lifelong goal for all men, women, and children.

I feel like this entire situation is rife with satirical possibility.  A tip to 30Rock: you don’t need writers.  I’m pretty sure you can create quite a compelling show just by acting out Alec Baldwin’s life.  I’d watch it.

  2 comments for “From Vicki Vale to Hilaria: The Downgrade of a Baldwin

  1. Shannon
    April 4, 2012 at 9:43 am

    28? More like 38 (not that there is anything wrong with being in one’s late 30s…) Remember with Kim Z from real housewives ATL sauce revealed that she was in her 20s when the show started? And we were all like, “WHA? you busted girl.” Yeah…

  2. Honoria Glossop
    April 4, 2012 at 10:57 am

    I know! According to the internet, Kim Z was born in 1978 and is 33. I find this sort of hard to believe, but her abundant fertility (she’s pregnant again after giving birth last May) is perhaps evidence of her alleged “youth.”

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