While Super Tuesday is generally nowhere near as fun as Fat Tuesday, last night I learned that these events could lead to the same level of inebriation if on the former one employed a drinking game that involved taking a drink every time someone on NPR, CNN or local news says “too close to call.” I haven’t been this drunk off of ballot-counting since the year 2000. It was like being in college again. The electoral college (can I get a Fozzie Bear “wocka wocka”?).
However, I think this photo sums up the Ohio Republican Primary results best:
Because money makes the world go round, as our Freudian slip of a friend, R. Money, is well aware. R. Money’s victory is being attributed to the fact that he outspent Santorum 10 to 1 and not the fact that Santorum is an intolerant asshole. Also, another interesting fact I learned while watching/drinking through last night’s coverage: Santorum’s wife used to date a doctor who performs abortions and this is why Santorum is so anti-choice and wants to destroy the careers of any and all medical professionals who safely and responsibly assist in a woman’s right to choose. Sure, that last part might be complete speculation, but it also might be right.