That’s what I am. No, this is not a Homestar Runner way of saying “pathetic” (though this adjective may arguably apply on a day-to-day basis as well), but “bathetic.” For proof, I offer a statement of last night’s activities compared to tonight’s agenda: Last night: I attended the Atlanta Premier of Wim Wender’s Pina...
We had my firm’s “Annual Meeting” this past month, and it was delicious. And by delicious, I mean they fed us breakfast. Over the past few years it has been increasingly clear to me that an Annual Meeting is little more than a chance for my bosses to say ridiculous words like “synergy” and...
“If I were a large black woman who happened to own a Jaguar in which to speed recklessly down I-85 while wearing a crocheted fuchsia muumuu, I’d probably get a vanity plate that reads ‘KIWIFUZ’ too.” As an update on today’s rush hour traffic thought, I have now googled “kiwifuz” (mostly to make sure...
Seemingly overnight, Gotye’s single “Somebody That I Used to Know” rocketed out of internet obscurity onto the mainstream radar. I heard it first on DaveFM, then watched as my Facebook newsfeed proceeded to explode with repost after repost. I checked this morning and the Youtube video for it has over 63 million views....
Ugh, the Bachelor. Let’s just begin, shall we? On this episode, the ladies travel to the third world nation of Panama. At first, I got all excited when I heard they were going to “Panama City,” but then I realized that this was not the home of the world famous Spinnakers. (I’d gander that...
I am the first to admit that my view on technology, internet innovation in particular, often makes me appear to either be a complete idiot or a philistine. My distrust in this particular medium stems from my megalomaniacal view that everyone is stalking me all the time. I once accused Mike Mills, bassist for...
For the first time in what feels like five years, this weekend I had nothing to do. It has been glorious. On Friday night, after taking 3 sips of Asahi, I fell asleep while trying to watch a Jim Jarmusch film at 10:30pm. I then begrudgingly got out of bed Saturday at approximately 12:45pm. ...
Yesterday I stumbled across this transcript of a brief NPR piece called “Planning Ahead Can Make A Difference In The End” by writer Aaron Freeman: “You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that...
I REALLLY didn’t want to work today. I was so desperate to not work that I actually announced to my bosses at a morning meeting that “I might have to leave at 3pm to go to a memorial service.” What I did not mention was the fact that I actually had never met the...
Noted child molester and pyramid-scheme operator Eddie Long knows that the only parishioners still attending his church are among the most vulnerable, insecure, uneducated, and superstitious residents of Dekalb County, Georgia. Most of these congregants only continue to attend New Birth because they’ve put a bunch of money into one of Long’s pyramid schemes,...
