Atlanta traffic can try even the most zen of souls at certain times of the day, and while I usually manage to keep a cool head (especially when compared to my rage-bout-prone Yankee transplant friends), the past few months I have found myself getting increasingly worked up while in the car. My daily commute to midtown is usually fairly copacetic, but once a week I make the trek home from coaching mock trial in Alpharetta right at the felicitous hour of 5 o’clock, an act which I have dubbed “the weekly Georgia 400 sit-a-thon.” While sitting stagnant in my Ford Taurus Interstate Sofa, I witness horrible things. Selfish, irresponsible bouts of driving worthy of The Dukes of Hazard or The Italian Job. Things you can’t even imagine. I once saw a lady driving down the connector while doing a crossword puzzle. On the phone. Naturally, I would increasingly find myself hurling obscenities at both minivans and their more sociopathic counterparts, Atlanta Taxis, alike. I’d get home tired and worn out from my hate-mongering. And yet what could I do? People in Atlanta can’t drive. My theory about this stems from the fact that Driver’s Ed is not a required course in Georgia public high schools, so the original generation of absolutely appalling and careening drivers from 1912 has been passing on its original lack of driving acumen for now a complete century. Or so I hypothesize.
I thought my descent into Michael Douglas-in-Falling Down type rage would continue unabated until one day I would pass my exit and continue driving on straight to Tybee Island. To hasten my escape from the gridlock, I would strap on an adult diaper so I wouldn’t have to stop and would proceed to drive my car off the pier, escaping underwater and covertly swimming to a desert island where I’d be free of the daily commute and all of its horrible, illogical and mind-boggling motorists.
But my entire mindset shifted after watching the most recent comedy special by Louis CK, “Live at the Beacon Theatre.” Louis CK is one of my favorite comedians, and he’s known for venting and complaining about the irrationalities and inconsistancies of daily life, technology, family, other people–you name it, he hates it. Louis’ entire comedic theme is about getting angry and saying horrible things about both himself(he’s incredibly self loathing) and other people–not even poor little kids are immune from his spot-on ire. But his observations are entirely true, and hidden behind the horrible facade of some these observations are incredibly insightful bits of truth.
In this most recent special, Louis descends into a rant on road rage, commenting on how most drivers have absolutely no care for other drivers on the road, and will do whatever makes their commute home more convenient at any given time. Here’s the transcript:
“And most people kind of don’t care. Most people are very selfish. Most people don’t give a shit what happens, as long as they get to do their favorite thing. People don’t even wanna back off from their favorite thing. They won’t even do their second favorite thing. Like, have you ever seen somebody in traffic, they’re at an intersection and they want to make a left. But they’re in the all the way right lane, because they messed up. So now here’s the guy, he’s in the right lane and there’s a whole lotta cars, like Sixth Avenue. Like, a lot of cars and he wants to make that left. So what does he do? He just does it anyway. He just goes ahead and he just shoves his car through everybody’s life. And everybody’s honking and outraged and you always see the guy…‘I have to. There’s no other possible thing I could do. What else could I do?’ …Except go up one more block and then go left and take four seconds!! ‘That’s not my favorite way, though! That only meets 99% of my criteria.’ ”
This bit was funny the first time I heard it, and everyone can relate to the one jerk that just has to get over. It happens daily, I’d wager, on every surface street and interstate in metro Atlanta. Commiserating with this very true observation, I laughed, and then promptly forgot about it. A few days later, though, I was coming home on Ponce, a place where horrible things happen everyday around 5:45pm. A dude cut right in front of me and then continued across the two other lanes, inching forward closer and closer to Fellini’s where I’m sure his prized pizza was waiting. I was one second from just laying my head down on the horn when for some reason “That’s not my favorite way!” popped into my head. I laughed as I thought of this jerk leaning out the window and whining to everyone “But that’s not my favorite waaaaaaaay!” Imagining the audacity of such an inconsiderate ass trying to justify his behavior and saying that made me crack up. I smiled, and my mood lifted. I had somehow turned unbridled hate into a joke–an act that I try to do with all aspects of my life, injecting humor into most every situation to make life a little easier.
A few days later a similar road-rage inducing event happened, and instead of getting even angry for a brief moment, I just said outloud “That’s not his favorite way! What else could he do?”
Now I have gotten to the point where I kind of look forward to these moments, and it’s completely changed my life. Not only do I not mind the jerks anymore, I actually find myself slowing down and taking my time, letting folks out that have gotten into the wrong lane. So long as their blinker is on and they’re waiting patiently. You know, just not forging on ahead and going their favorite way.
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This cracked me up!
I constantly have to explain to friends how Atlanta traffic is actually worse than Los Angeles traffic. (We have “rolling” traffic in LA but it can happen ANYtime of day, 7 days a week.)
My boyfriend, from MA, gets really riled by the crazies in LA and loves Louis CK. I’m definitely passing this on! Thanks!